The past couple of years has been one of highs and lows. I had an early miscarriage, then my following pregnancy ended after discovering our daughter had Edward's Syndrome and we were told she would have no chance of survival. I know that we made the best decision for her (and our other children) in ending the pregnancy but I've had to live with it since and have never really forgiven myself. My next pregnancy w...as also quite stressful as I was under consultant care, everything seemed to be going well and then at 20 weeks a rare brain condition was diagnosed in my baby boy. We were advised he would be severely disabled, he is now 14 months old, a wonderful little boy and proving the doctors very much wrong. I have 4 boys and I home school the youngest 3, it's full on!
My husband and I got married last year, on the anniversary of the day we met. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and we had the most wonderful hippy wedding in the woods. This was a definite high! Then shortly before our youngest baby was born we realised something wasn't quite right with my husband, sex had become painful and he noticed his penis was becoming curved. Eventually he saw the GP and then the specialist, who diagnosed Peyronies disease. He is currently waiting for an operation to repair the damage and hopefully after 18 months of no sex we will be able to make up for lost time.
So, these photos are partly a 'happy shiny new knob' gift for my husband but also as a confidence boost for me. After 4 babies I'd lost sight of me a little and this was a way of getting something back.
What I didn't realise was the impact it would have, I've gone from feeling slightly invisible and not really understanding what people would find attractive in me to feeling truly sexy and empowered. It seems ridiculous to me that as a woman who doesn't wear makeup and rarely dresses up that this experience could empower me but it really has. Seeing the first photo I was shocked, Mandy and Sarah made me feel relaxed, comfortable and utterly gorgeous and it completely shows. For the first time in my life I could see a bit more of what other people see in me, it wasn't that they made me look different but rather that they showed the parts of me that people have always said are beautiful and I never believed.
Finally I look at me and believe it, I feel beautiful, sexy and confident. Put simply, I feel absolutely wonderful.