I have had to do a LOT of work on this recently.
Maybe it was the huge workload after the last 7 months?
At one point I was shooting and editing weddings, Red Shoe shoots, full time at University, filming a three part documentary for Channel 4 and a being single mum.
Maybe it is still the process of grief after losing my fiancé...?
But whatever the reason was, recently I was finding it hard to sleep and then waking up feeling the panic that was, already at the start of the day, all consuming... that feeling was taking over... and to be honest I had no fight left in me.
I love books... and for obvious reasons I just didn’t have the time to read/make the time to read...
or go to the gym...
or walk the dog...
So in my attempt to get some pleasure and time-out back, this year I have been listening to one audiobook per month.
There have been two that I simply lost interest in but I have found the whole audiobook thing really enjoyable and easy to fit in and around my life say while I’m the car or while editing...
Go me multitasking!!
And it was this book that inspired this blog post for you...
And it is:
Brene Brown - The Power of vulnerability.
She has spoken at TedTalk, there is a Netflix documentary, she has written so many other incredible books... seriously if you don’t know about her go and look her up!
Brene has to be one of the most incredible humans!
Yes I love her….
In this book Brene talks about fear, vulnerability & anxiety....
She also shares, from all of her research, 10 goalposts to wholehearted living.
And I want to share them with you...
but seriously buy the book!
Goal post number One
Raise your hand if you are a people pleaser?
Raise your hand if you are always putting yourself second?
Raise your hand if you are surrounded by people who don’t do for you as you do for them?
You may hate me for saying this but… I’m going to say it anyway….
By not setting your boundaries, by not being authentic and true to you… you are creating and telling the world that you come second. You are telling yourself that, you are setting those boundaries.
Stop being afraid of pissing someone off because you have to say “No”
Because your boundaries and authentic self is now 1st priority, not 2nd.
But do this in a way of showing compassion to yourself and the other person….. Do this by showing love to yourself and the other person.
Goal post number two
Be kind to yourself darling. Know the difference between YOU being a failure and something not working out as planned.
You are not the only one to have the troubles you are maybe experiencing…. so don’t feel ashamed by them.
Be mindful. Slow down. Ground yourself in this moment you have right now.
Goal post number three
What are your numbing tactics? Scrolling through social media? Smoking? Eating too much, eating too little? Over cleaning the house? What do you do to numb down when you are feeling anxiety?
Sometimes this feels like self care. Understand the difference…. once you recognise this and take action everyday to do something that takes care of you, you will feel replenished and not drained.
Do today something congruent to YOU.
Remember who your friends are… the true ones. The ones where you can pick up the phone, bitch and whine about something shit…. but that you both know that this is just a “thing”
The bad does not define you…
but you can bitch about it,
and move away from it.
Goal post number four
I have been doing a LOT of business and market research lately… I have been watching video after video of the most successful people within business.
And they all say the same thing….
Writing down three things every single day…
Making gratitude talk not just self talk, but also making it a daily conversation. What are your children or partner grateful for today?
Make gratitude a daily practice. Yes you have practice this….
Goal post number five
How rough is this one…. ?? Give up the need for certainty???
This for me is a tough one, what do you think? We need certainty in our lives?
But I guess if we get locked down on the details of how things should pan out then we are going to have more disappointments? Maybe having the faith that everything will work it’s course, that your gut feeling can be trusted? That you have faith and trust within yourself?
Give up the fight…. this one is too tough for me. After my fiancé passed away, in grief I was numb and angry. I battled everything to create the certainty that I needed for my family to be protected and safe. I was no ones victim….
And as Brene says there is an idea that you sit in two camps
I was (and am still) a Viking. And the daily battle is tough. One fight done and ding ding I’m looking for the next…. no one was going to look at me and my family as victims.
So I’m working on lowering the gloves. Enjoying the day…. not looking for the next traumatic disaster that I need to prepare for.
Goal post number six
Do you do anything creative….? There is more and more evidence from research now suggesting that Art is not only beneficial for anxiety …. but that being creative is a human necessity….
Don’t think that what you create is never good enough by comparing. Just go and CREATE for you and your soul.
Goal post number seven
How many times have you felt guilt for having a lie in?
How many times have you felt guilty for engaging in something that makes you lose track of time and has no purpose other than you enjoy it….?
Rest darling…. you are not a machine…
Goal post number eight
Anxiety is NOT a lifestyle.
Goal post number nine
Maybe you would like to work full time as a creative writer/photographer/poet? Maybe you need the full time “proper job” to support yourself.
Dont be hard on yourself!! Believe me, being a self employed full time creative is not for everyone. Because you then become a business owner…. and this is a very different thing!
Let go of what it should look like… do it because it brings you bloody joy!
Goal post number 10
You know how you feel and move when you are dancing and singing..?
Now imagine how someone would stand/come across to you if they are cool, calm and have their shit together.
The both don’t match do they? One is expressive, moving freely
The other is stone cold still….
keeping your shit together doesn’t mean you have to close down….!
Dance baby dance…..
I so hope with all my heart that this will help you ❤️
Can you practice all 10 everyday?
Would you like me to send over the goal posts to you so you can have them on your phone as a daily reminder? If so drop me a message and I would be happy to…
I have been really mindful to practice, and I can say hand on heart it is working…
Step into your wholehearted self and life with love, compassion and knowing you are not alone…