What Femininity means?.
Exploring body language and unpicking the original design process of Red Shoe.
Summary: Human Centric and participatory in design, a method in creating images that do not feed into stereotypes, and instead are authentic and true in the narrative the portrait sitter wishes to be seen and heard.
Following on from The Red Shoe Persona project, the research brought me to the question of the female gaze, what is this, is it represented and how is it seen?
At some point a woman will face the question of beauty.
She will compare her appearance with that of social media and advertisements. The projection and stereotypes of what feminine beauty should be.
I am aware that I am that imperfect feminist, and questioned if I have been a part of the problem of idyllic beauty while photographing Red Shoe Portraits? I have heard women say “I could never look like that”, and while I was trying to dispel the unattainable beauty standards… that by all accounts with good lighting, makeup and posing anyone can be “beautiful”.
What I didn’t do was listen to the subtext of: “for me to be beautiful I have to adhere to the set bar of the beauty standards”
Now I know, and any Red Shoe Queen will also know, that once a woman has had the Red Shoe experience, it does truly change her. Some ladies have gone on to make life changing discoveries and changes because the myth and the hold of this, for them, has been dispelled. And I do feel truly honoured of any female who has entrusted me to do this…. If I had a penny for every grateful changed feminine, I’d be incredibly rich for sure…
But I wondered….
I want to photograph the feminine as she is… with all her feminine curves and stretch marks, I want to show the beauty of the feminine through the eyes of a woman, and not through the lens of the impossible beauty standards that are not real….
I asked for 40 women to step forward and join this project, only expecting 10 at most. Over 40 women stepped forward….and for many reasons like new jobs, nerves and simply life….in total 20 women were photographed.
I did not direct poses, there was no hair and makeup artist and no airbrushing!
We began each shoot by chatting…just simply talking and holding space for each other. I wanted the shoot the reflect this feminine energy before me, whether she felt lost, awkward, masculine, reclaiming, accepting, rethinking, being naked, embracing rolls and stretch marks….reclaiming herself and her womanhood after hysterectomy or mastectomy. This was about her.
And so this is the beginning of the project. All the ladies who have collaborated so far will be invited once more to collaborate….will this be a book…and exhibition….or something else….who knows?! All I know is, this is a project for women, by women.
Contact me if you would like to be involved in bringing this project further.
Much Love
Sarah
Nadia
Come as You Are
My beautiful friend…and the first to step in through the door and help me work out what Come as You Are is…
And she came in with this incredible energy, she stepped into the masculine part of herself, and I apologised for not holding space for this before… you see,
I have photographed Nadia a couple of times before… and always concentrated on the feminine.
Thank you Nadia for teaching me to hold space… for eating cake with me… and showing up as your awesome self
Sue.
I have photographed Sue before as a Red Shoe Girl… and for her to come back and be a part of Come as
You Are totally filled me with joy…
This Sue, is content and knows who she is…I think she may forget this at times. And so, I hope that these
images will remind her who she is and the love she gives to everyone around her… I’m sending some of
that love back to you…
Laura.
“I came to the shoot with one aim – to find myself.
I went through a life changing event 6 years ago that changed everything about me. I went from being outgoing, confident, and unapologetically Laura to someone who hid herself from the world and wore a permanent mask.
As the shoot progressed I felt like I was finding myself more and more and looking at the photos you can see the change in each outfit change.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart Sarah for being my bad ass cheerleader.”
Lauren.
A few weeks ago I went for a therapy session, I mean a photoshoot, with the beautiful soul that is Sarah to take part
in her project "Come As You Are".
And wow, how I struggled with such a simple request. Come as you are... OK, but who am I these days other than Mummy?
I felt so confused. What do I wear? Do I put makeup on? What do I represent? WHO. AM. I?!
Motherhood can often feel that you're so busy helping your little ones find their own identities, you lose a bit of yourself
in the process.
When the day of the photoshoot came, I had nothing at all creative to offer. After a brew and wonderful chat, Sarah asked for
my thoughts and input, what did I want from this?
I tried to fight through the brain fog, but I drew a complete blank.
And she saw me. I was lost, but she saw exactly where I was. And she embraced it. She captured me perfectly in that moment.
Thank you so much Sarah, for totally understanding something that can be so hard to explain in words.”
Hannah.
“Sarah gave me the rarest and greatest of gifts in this shoot, the opportunity to be myself.
As if my body language wasn’t enough of a giveaway, I admitted when I arrived that I was feeling pretty awkward, my natural default position in any social situation. Great! Said Sarah, be awkward, let’s do this!
I had the most fun embracing the side of me I usually fight hardest to cover, and came away with a real sense of pride and joy in who I truly am.
I am awkward and I’m ok with that!”
Fleur.
“Come as you are’ she said…with the Nivarna lyrics ringing in my ears I pondered on this as a concept.
I’ve been fortunate to experience Sarah’s powerful Red Shoe shoots twice before but without the hair, the make up and the direction who should I show up as? Then it dawned on me…my true self!
What transpired was some beautiful raw shots of me, authentic and real. The wild child running free that lives inside of me, unafraid and unapologetic, stripped back, stripped bare, having fun, living wild and free with messy hair and dirty knees…and the woman she has become, the women who been through some shit but is brave enough to live with arms wide open, a full heart, with the wisdom of age and full of child like grace.
I once said in a blog a shoot with Sarah is ‘Therapy in Motion.' I still hold that to be true..thank you Sarah for choosing to gift me with this opportunity, for letting the child inside have fun - here's to always living wild and free”
Emma.
“When I saw Sarah's “Come as you are” project I jumped at the chance to be a part of it. I’ve been photographed by Sarah before but its safe to say I've had some major mental and physical changes since then and to say I'm a different person is an understatement.
For as long as I can remember my head has travelled a million miles and hour, leaving me mentally and physically exhausted. My work, relationships and self esteem all suffered and I felt like I was just about “coping” with .life, rather than living. I turned to food for comfort and at 28 I was 7 stone overweight. By chance someone suggested I might have ADHD and one 3 hour psychiatrist appointment later, I'm told I've been living with ADHD for the last 29 years.
ADHD is a bit of a taboo subject and until last year I thought it was just something “naughty boys” were labelled with. I now know it’s a lot more common than you think, but because it tends to present differently in females its extremely under of misdiagnosed. While many women feel embarrassed about their diagnosis, I felt relief; my life suddenly made sense. The diagnosis and the medication changed me, inside and out. I'm no longer a shell of a person hiding behind food and baggy clothes.
On the day of the shoot me and Sarah spent more time talking and laughing than photographing, she has the natural ability to make you feel completely at ease, even when you're half naked. What Sarah captured shows new, much improved version of me, scars and all. While I'm not 100% used to version 2.0 just yet, I'm finally 100% happy in my own skin.”
Elizabeth.
“I went into this feeling a bit awkward, embarrassed and lost. That’s how I feel right now, my chaotic brain has
taken over all of me and I don’t feel like myself.
I’m too emotional, too sensitive, too scatty, an overthinker, and that further spikes my anxiety and makes me feel
like I’m difficult to be around
However
Sarah . . . . .what an amazing woman. She made me feel so heard and seen and safe. When she told me all she
saw was how calm I was, I felt an emotional weight lift. I’ve never had anyone describe me as calm! Having that
small feeling of some level of control just made me feel . . . . peaceful. And seeing the pictures, seeing me as ME
made me realise I am still in there, content amidst all the chaos.
Thank you so much Sarah”
Carly.
“I almost cancelled my shoot, I was so excited by the idea of come as you are and jumped at the chance to get involved, but around the time of the shoot the complete overwhelm of adulting had eaten away at my confidence, and I wasn't sure I was right for it!
I'm so glad my dearest friend insisted I should still go and entertained my children for a few hours so I could!
Meeting sarah in person, my mind was immediately put at ease and I felt I could truly be myself. I'm completely clueless with makeup and rarely wear any, and the manic pace of life meant I hadn't got around to dying my grey roots. I turned up all flustered with my 2 favourite items of clothing, which after years of not feeling I can justify spending money on myself, I've finally started wearing clothes that are unapologetically me again.
This shoot has been a step on the road to acting unapologetically me for the first time in my life, embrace my own chaos and the million tabs constantly open inside my brain.
My children love looking at old photos of me (always finding beauty in pictures that I don't like as always finding fault in myself) and now I can add some more new images”
Carla.
“Events through life can impact confidence levels, no matter how strong of a person you are.
When I think back to all procedures I’ve been through over the last 6 years since finding out I am BRCA1 positive I feel grateful, grateful I am alive.
But I am left with no breasts, no ovaries, no children and living through surgical menopause.
How is that seen as womanly? I wanted to feel like I am still all woman and here is where my beautiful friend Sarah’s campaign ‘Come as YOU are’ comes in.
The ethos behind it truck a fire in me and many other women.
Sarah, you made me feel at ease from our first hug and I feel so blessed to be part of this wonderful campaign you have created. I feel you bring out the best in everyone you meet and I wanted to thank you for bringing out what I thought I had lost a long time ago.
My confidence, just as I am.
In the words of Frida Kahlo, “We can endure much more than we think we can”
Louise.
“I've never felt able to 'come as you are' so Sarah's invitation to do so was refreshing and also unfamiliar.
I've always been desperate for approval and acceptance. I've been anything but myself and tried to look and behave how others have expected me to.
I never believed I could just be me and that that would be enough. I am starting to believe that now though. These photographs are part of my journey towards being unapologetically me.
I feel like Sarah just gets me, so to be photographed by her for this project, was an extension of the space she already holds for me to be myself.
I'm blessed to have had this opportunity, Sarah. Thank You for photographing me, for accepting me and for loving me. I promise to love myself.”
Emma.
“I have been photographed by Sarah before, feeling glam and sexy and navigating a new me post mastectomy, reconstruction and a hysterectomy. So naturally I jumped at the chance to be a part of the come as you are project.
The night before I nearly cancelled as I realised, I lack confidence and belief in absolutely every aspect of my life. The stark realisation was I feel most content not being seen.
On sitting down with Sarah, it wasn’t long before I cried (I cry a lot). I have always thought my sensitivity was a problem. I have been focused on my appearance, neglecting the obvious kind and neutering traits I possess in favour of the physical. Sarah let me be me, the me I have been forgetting. The process has made me work towards being unapologetic for my tears, for no longer being the size I was before my surgeries but most important for being me.
I sat in the car after my photos and cried, I felt proud of not just my body but for me and my achievements. I am starting over in life and learning to mute the voices telling me I am not enough. I am more than enough and I’m ok being physically unseen because in my vocation I make a difference every day.”
Hannah-Rose
“Come as you are, but who am I? I’m a full time mum and carer, what else?
Since having a baby I lost myself completely, I fell into a baby bubble and just couldn’t climb my way back out.
A lots change in the past two years, mainly my body and that I’ve really struggled with. The added weight has made me hate all pictures of myself so this ‘come as you are’ shoot was a scary thing to think about. I joined this project because I wanted to find myself, I wanted to see myself through the eye of someone else and regain that love and self confidence that I deserve to feel about myself.
This was such an eye opening experience for me, no coaching or advise. Just me being me. I am so great full to Sarah for giving me this opportunity and showing me that even as ‘just me’ I can be beautiful and confident. Xx”
Jayne.
“When I saw Sarah’s ‘come as you are’ project I jumped at the chance to be a part of it. I’ve been photographed by Sarah before many a times throughout some major times In my life but it’s also true to say I’ve also had some major changes in my life.
The pain and loss of losing both my parents last year within 2 months of each other was not expected and I cannot describe how that feels. There are so many things I wish I had said and done for them that I will never get back. The only thing I am grateful for it has brought me and my sister closer together and I don’t tell her I love her as I should.
Since then i have had to remove people from my life, not worry about what's been said and done and appreciate the people in my life that are there for me and who bring a lot in my life.
I am often seen as being an iron fist in a velvet glove but inside I feel vulnerable, I am sensitive and I hurt easily.
For as long as I can remember I have had diabetes and conditions that come with that, kidney disease, NLD, Retinopathy, underactive thyroid not to mention the emotional ups and downs.
Some days I feel as though I am doing fine, I am strong and coping then follows the days I fall to pieces, cry, tired, emotional? Snappy, want to crawl back into bed and sleep. Is this the real me?
On the day of the shoot me and Sarah spent time talking, being emotional and laughing, it helped us appreciate when help is needed, why we behave the way we do and that it's OK. Sarah has the natural ability to make you feel completely at ease, even when you’re feeling like you should hide away and not show the real you.
I have a lot to thank Sarah for, she captured some of the most amazing photographs in my life, she brought life to my memories and she is an amazing person inside and out. I am grateful to have met Sarah 😘🙏”
Claire.
“You get to a certain age and you begin to question who you are. I think I’ve always questioned that but when you’re younger you think you’ve got loads of time to figure it out and that the future will bring answers. You get to my age and realise there are no absolute answers.
I looked at the images and the first thing I thought was that there is something both completely open and completely uncertain and guarded about this person – which is true.
The last few years have been ones of massive change – ADHD diagnosis, marriage breakdown, becoming a single mum, depression, new jobs and of course a global pandemic. It has all added to my identity uncertainty and a reframing of who I thought I was in the past and for the future. But with all the uncertainty also comes the hope of being able to mould yourself anew going forward – with more self-care and compassion.
I have been photographed by Sarah before but I loved this shoot with her, we laughed and put the world to rights and she gave me the time and space to just ‘be’. Plus as a photographer myself I don’t appear in many photo’s so this was a really unique opportunity to be myself, on the other side of the lens without any other real agenda.”
Charlotte.
“I was never a confident person, I was always led to believe that if only I were thinner more boys would like me, and life would be better. I’m here to tell you it’s bollocks. I lost a substantial amount of weight years ago and was still scrutinising parts of my body. That was not the problem, it was how I perceived myself, and allowing other peoples opinions to affect me.
Being widowed just heightened this, a loss of identity and trying to navigate grief while being a mummy I just had no time for myself. I always thought My husband was out of my league, but I see now that there are no leagues. My husband saw something in me that no one else had, and maybe someone will again someday, but for now I see it in myself.
If this resonates It’s down to you to change your mindset, surround yourself with likeminded people, unfollow or ignore anyone that makes you feel like you aren’t good enough, this is due to their own insecurities that they are projecting, do not let them.
If you see beauty in others the same size as you or bigger, yet don’t see it in yourself? Your size isn’t the issue.
Although I don’t love everything about my body I accept it for what it is and appreciate all it does for me. I listen to it, eat what it tells me it needs, I run, I box, I dance. I feel the sun on my skin, I breathe, and I am thankful to be here. And guess what, I’ve been losing weight this way, without even trying to. Be intuitive, no diets necessary.
I still have my moments, but all in all I think I’m a pretty incredible person and I feel good. Just 6 months ago I was talking to Sarah about doing a shoot with her when I’ve lost more weight, she said to me that’s not what it’s about, the whole point is to accept yourself and see the beauty in that. I brushed it off at the time but I see it now.
You are beautiful, come as you are.”
Sarah.
"Come as you are shoot"
I’ve known Sarah for forever, we lost touch but I've never stopped admiring this girls strength and integrity.
She is a talented, admirable woman who oozes empathy for others.
When she asked for volunteers for her come as you are project i jumped at the chance, wine fuelled one evening at home i thought f*#k it.
Then i remembered i am an anxiety ridden, ptsd suffering, depressed ocd maniac who doesn't actually know who i am anymore. I panicked, who actually am i?! Who was i before the last seven years of trauma, that just seemed to keep coming, wave after wave! Then to top it off i became a geriatric parent! After being a child parent 24 years ago! I have never taken the easy route, i feel as though i thrive on pressure, but i don’t, i have a fear of failure and its that failure that drives me. Its also that fear that crushes me. I failed my Mum, she did not survive, i failed parenting with my eldest, i put so much pressure on myself to achieve, that in actual fact i am failing myself.
There are days i don’t want to move, days i cry, a lot of days i cry, there are times i can't physically talk. Anxiety is that debilitating. So again, who the hell am I! Anxiety has me lost in a world i don't understand. I feel like an imposter in every day situation, like I'm stood outside myself looking at a world i do not particularly like anymore. So i gathered some clothes, a gorgeous friend i do not deserve loaned me a dress to represent who i was before, and who i could be again if i just put myself first a bit more! I drove to Sarah’s studio and it was as though we hadn’t missed a day of not seeing each other and we talked, about EVERYTHING!
I understood where she was coming from and she understood me. It was easy. The shoot took over an hour longer than expected because we just talked. We both listened! As strong, damaged, life experienced women we got each other, and that's what made the whole experience beautiful. The studio was cold, but my anxiety had me sweating 🤣 we laughed a lot, we filled up with tears talking about the lives we have lead, but we also celebrated still bloody being here!
So come as you are, and i did, i turned up, Sarah looked after me and we chatted over cuppa's. I arrived not knowing who i was. I left realising i am strong. I am delicate. I have not been nurturing myself enough! I need to treat myself as well as i do my houseplants 🤣 if the environment isn't making me flourish then bloody change it! I am fun, i am funny, i care too much at times. My heart is big!
This was more than a photo shoot. I've done therapy, I've seen counsellors, i take the tablets, but that was quite possibly the most supportive, enlightening session I've ever been to.
Thank you Sarah 💕
Julie.
Like many of the other ladies photographed before me, I felt I’d reached a certain age where I was unsure of who I was anymore. My twin boys are now 14 and I’m no longer needed so much as ‘Mum’ (aside from when they’re hungry!) I’m also no longer the youngster I think I am in my head and dread feeling ‘past it’.
I lost my mum whilst I was pregnant with the boys and she was only 56, so I have this constant fear of getting older and yet that’s the one thing my mum didn’t get chance to do! I also find it strange that one day I’ll (hopefully) be older than my mum…
I still feel like the child who needs her mum but somehow life has moved so fast and I’m now dealing with being a 40-something woman. I don’t know when all that happened.
These are the photographs of someone who suffers from anxiety and bouts of depression. However, through determination and the strength I get from others, it now sits in the background and I allow myself to spring to life as much as possible.
I wanted to show the happy person, despite all that sits beneath the surface and raises its head occasionally. That person definitely came out whilst Sarah was photographing me - I was amazed just how much I do laugh & smile! Although Sarah is absolutely hilarious and a wonderful person so it was easy to do.
Sarah has captured the smiley person I wish I could see more often. I hate most photos of myself - constantly complaining that I’ve put on some weight and it won’t shift, or that frown line between my eyes is getting deeper, or the dark circles under my eyes are hideous. Always comparing myself to what I see on Instagram, Facebook etc. On talking to Sarah I reminded myself that none of it matters. This is who I am and I should bloody well own it.
I’d like to think I’m cool, but my teenage boys don’t think so. I hope one day they do though. X
Gina.
When Carla posted on Facebook to ask for volunteers for her friend, Sarah’s, project, I immediately thought ‘why not?’, I’m usually up for things like this… as was my lovely friend , also Sarah, so we thought we’d do it together. We met a couple of years ago and immediately bonded. Sarah is Scottish, she doesn’t mince her words and she says fuck a lot. I love that about her! You know where you are with her. We discovered that we’re ‘almost twins’ as our birthdays are a month apart and we have the same thoughts, often at the same time. We run together and have done a few races over the last couple of years, but here’s the thing - I don’t like running…. Yes! I’ve said it. I run so I can eat chocolate… and drink gin. And whilst Sarah does like to run and she doesn’t drink gin.. we both love chocolate! It’s a twin thing. And we both get naked (though not usually together). I’ve life modelled for around 15 years, Sarah is a naturist. Even though I’m mostly body confident, I still won’t look at any of the drawings of me, for fear of that ‘Lordy, is my tummy as big as that?’ kind of thoughts, although I’m at that age now where I really shouldn’t bother about it. And for the most part I don’t. The thing that does bother me though, is that when I run, once I get to the halfway point I think ‘phew, there’s less to go than I’ve done already’ and I embrace being on the home straight. It works for most things - except life. Being of a certain age, I also realised that I’ve probably got less to go than I’ve done already, and that scares me. I love my life and I don’t want it to end anytime soon (or even in 30 or 40 years..). So I need to pack in as much as I can in that time, which is why Sarah and I have #adventureswithginaandsarah.. they are only little adventures but they make me smile. Oh and for those of you wondering about the other pics.. my name is Gina and I’m a Disney addict. And I miss my happy place
Sarah.
And as the grand finale to the Come as You Are project, is Sarah.
This incredibly full of life human, in which we had this incredible conversation about naturism, how, for Sarah, it is a way to take a person for who they are. Not the status of their clothes, what they do or who they think they are… but simply as a human being.
And so why Sarah’s image had to be the final image to The Come as You Are series.
Let’s all be more like Sarah… let’s all forget about the person we should be and look, and even who others in our lives should be… and let’s just BE, and accept and love…
Thank you Sarah for being a part of this… thank you for being yourself and brining this incredible energy to this project ❤️