Oh Jay Jay Jay......*major girl crush alert*

And this is JAY....perfect...beautiful...omg I love you Jay! Jay Emme is an amazing {good god amazing} wedding photographer... So although I felt a tad nervous photographing a fellow {I said amazing already...but she is} photographer, I didn't need to at bloody all.....Jay, I LOVE you, our day in the studio was filled with so much laughing.... and hula hooping..... you lady SHOULD model!!

For years and years and years, I’ve always felt like the clunky, dumpy, awkward girl with a reasonably pretty face and not much else. My personality seemed to shine through and make up for everything else. Years ago, I would spend HOURS watching America’s Next Top Model, wishing I could be a super pretty model like them, but knowing it would never happen.

My neck and arms are lightly scarred from a boiling water accident as a baby. I have stretch marks all over my ass and thighs (an ex once “lovingly” referred to me as “Tiger” (stripy) because of them - that did NOT go down well). And of course, at 5’5”, I’m just not tall enough. More recently After delivering two 11lb babies in 16 months, my once flat stomach was destroyed, saggy skin plagues me and my once athletic physique pretty much got flushed down the toilet.

As a wedding photographer myself, it’s INCREDIBLY important to me that people are able to look beyond what they think are a bunch of flaws, and see a different kind of beauty. I want them to see what shines through to the outside, right from the inside. Right from their very soul. I knew that, somewhere inside me, was this girl - no, this WOMAN - who was sexy, and hot, and gorgeous, and funny, and caring, and loving, and kooky, and crazy, and full of attitude, and soft as a kitten. But after spending so much time behind the camera, looking for it in others, I forgot how to look for it in myself.

It takes a lot for me to trust another for photographer to point a camera at me, since I know what they will see. But I needed someone who would also point out what I FORGET to see, that same stuff I ALWAYS see in others. Sooooo...it was time to turn the camera around, and after some brief conversations, I knew that if anyone could do it, it would be Sarah. She, with Mandy, reminded me that not only should I take a loving look at myself from time to time, but that it’s OK to do so. She’s also reminded me that that my shape, size and design IS beautiful, as it serves as a visual story of everything about me. I have battle wounds. And it’s ok to have those battle wounds. But I have so much more, too. And you know what? These photos serve as a bloody perfect reminder of all that. All of those things I wanted to shine through? For the first time in as long as I can remember, I can see them all. And that’s, to me, makes these photos fucking perfect. ;)